Saturday, June 24, 2006


Woe unto to the Malefactors!

In her introduction for me, my co-blogger Reina referred to me as a "madman". This was obviously in jest, as sanity is something I'm rather well known for actually. My reputation, on the Internet, and elsewhere, is that of a sober and rational commentator, a reputation I hope to live up to on this site, as I endeavor to uncover the truths about advertising without passion or prejudice, but rather through reason, objectivity and intellect.

For some time, an ad campaign by Citibank has been airing on television. The subject of this campaign is the dangers of identity theft. The ads feature people of all demographic types speaking to the viewer, but their voices are obviously not their own, for example a young woman's voice will be a young man, an old man's voice will be a young woman. The people speaking, or rather lip syncing, are those whose identities have been stolen while the overdubbed voices are those of the thieves.

So, in the spirit of robust, but reasoned commentary I mentioned earlier, please allow me to extend a calm, collected, accusatory finger in the direction of these wrongdoers:


Now that I have concluded my opening remarks, please allow me to elaborate:


People speaking in voices that are not their own is not natural, and it can only lead a believing Christian to conclude that the identity thieves currently roaming about our nation are witches.


These identity thieves have consorted with the Devil under the pale light of a heathen moon. They have bathed in the blood of murdered Christian babes and they have sacrificed their eternal souls in exchange for demonic power.

Long have we known that the Evil One has sought to work his Mischief upon our crops, our livestock and the virtue of our young maidens, but now we have uncovered the terrifying truth that he has sought to bring ruin to our credit cards and our bank accounts as well.

When we are unable to tell matron from farmer, young good wife from reverend, confusion shall reign, faith shall waver and Satan's unholy terror shall spread throughout this sin drenched world.

Kudos to the good merchants of Citibank for exposing this treason against Heaven.

Evil is among us and must be brought into the light. This community of Christian believers must do as the Good Book has commanded us and not suffer these foul creatures to live. We must cleanse ourselves of their wickedness through righteous fire! Woe unto the Malefactors!

Satan's work shall be turned back by the power of an angry God! Ye goode people must band together and purge the evil that is among us, as we struggle to build our Lord's Kingdom anew in this accursed pagan land.


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